ferniebby.tumblr.com

FRIENDS!!!! so like i got tired of my plain blog. blogger just doesnt have that many options for a background, or anything cool. it doesnt let me get creative. so im switching over to my original first blog, its located in tumblr. that blog site lets me get more creative with my stuff. ive been bloggin the same things in my tumblr blog just in case i felt like this. so everything thats here is in my other blog. (: i suggest u guys should switch to tumblr, i mean u guys hardly blog, so there wouldnt be such a difference in a change haha. its way better. its more organized too. so this is my last post here in blogger. my tumblr account is ferniebby.tumblr.com YOU GUYS SHOULD GET A TUMBLR ACCOUNT! me and sara love it. (:

i smile, he smiles, && it makes me happy.

I jst can't seem to stop crushing! LOL. Now I'm crushing on another guy. This one however. Is familiar territory. I've been through this before, and I'm enjoying his presence once again. Haha. He's been making me smile and laugh so many times recently that I jst fell back on were I had left off. He's been really cool with me as well. I'm sure that I'm pretty obvious by the way I act. I mean, I can't keep a straight face with him, jst looking at him makes me smile, and then he smiles too! Haha. But it doesn't seem to bother him, which makes me happy. I'm glad that during these last moments of high school, I have someone to put a smile on my face, someone who jst makes me feel good inside, and someone who's a guy that isn't bothered by my actions. (: after graduation, I know that I'm gonna slowly lose contact with him, or not..?.. We will jst have to wait and see. I mean, ill still txt or call him on his bday like I did this past year, but idk if I will txt him here and there..lol,, I don't think I'm making sense anymore haha. So I'm jst gonna stop here, and say that I'm happy with how some things are going byy. (:

Audrina:" IM DONE,.. IM DONE!"

gahhhhh!. i seriously cant fucken wait till gradutaion. that will be the day that i will end things once and for all. i dont need fake people in my life. i tried being fucken nice but im jst like seriously done. im soo done with all this unecessary fucken drama. talking shit about people, being fake to people, being two faced, get a fucken life. everything is just gettin sooo old. i love the people who are true to me, and they know that im true to them. ive said this once and ill say it again, not to sound cocky or anything, but im the most trustworthy friend anyone can have in their life, and most of my friends KNOW IT... im confident in where my life is going, im confident in MYSELF, and im TRUE to who I AM. if people want to hate on me, go ahead. your wasting ur time u can say whatever u want. i could care less, its never gonna affect me. and it will never bring me down. i know what i want in life, so before people start to judge, take a look at your life first, and then see who has it better.


now i know the answer to the infamous phrase "why cant we just get along?".. BECAUSE THERES TOO MUCH FAKENESS IN BETWEEN thats why.


goodnight. <3

its for the best.

things have gotten better for me. my heart is no longer suffering from confusion. i know what i needed to do, and i did it. and it just might of been for the best.

i've felt better about some people, which is a really good thing for me, i couldnt let all that nonsense control my daily attitude, it wasnt healthy. senior year is approaching it's sad ending and all i can seem to do now, is finish up last minute work, and enjoy the last bits of moments that high school has to offer. im eager to see what this summer has to offer, license? car? tattoo?... love?... who knows, summer isnt that far away, so i wont be waiting that long. im also eager to see what a new environment will bring to my life, im so excited to begin my life at Santa Barbara, so excited to experience new things, i jst dont have the words to express it.. well i guess i jst did. HA. life is starting to be good again, and im glad it is. (:

why is this happening to me?

What is this I'm feeling?... Something is very slowly growing on me, and I'm not sure if I should let it grow. I feel like jst letting fate decide all of this, but then I think that I SHOULD be the one to decide, not fate. I feel like I'm risking something that I don't wanna risk losing. I dont want have an awkward starfish in my face, and I feel like if this keeps growing, that starfish is surely gonna be planted on my face. Why mee!! Facken shit!.. I surely am setting myself up for a pickle!... I'm sooo confused... Should I?, or shouldn't I?... Gahhhhh! I don't know what to do..

Well, for right now, this feeling is very small, we'll see how things go as the days pass. We'll see if this is jst another phase of mine.

alcohol.

so theres been lots of talk about alcohol lately, and how crazy drunk my friends got during their spring break, and i cant help but wonder how i would act if i ever got drunk. i wonder if i would be crazy or something, LOL, im actually intrigued with the thought haha... i want to test it out, but i want to do it while i know i wont be going home for the night, cause i mean, me coming home drunk or staying somewhere without calling is not my ideal thing to do while living in this household. ill probably test it out during college, but i wish i could a little earlier, just to see how i would act, and so i wouldnt make a fool of myself in college, if i do get that crazy.

now i do regret not going to mexico this spring break, haha, o well will never know what could have happened if i would of gone haha, cant do anything about it anymore. but i do want to get wasted! LOL. (:

may

its officially may.. wow. and before i know it, its going to be june. and before i know its going to be june, it'll be june 11... its getting closer. and the anticipation just keeps rising. i honestly will just be relieved once that day is done and overwith, a sense of accomplishment.. but first i need to get through this month, and 2 weeks.

things are starting to get better, at least thats what i see, so i think things should be fine for the rest of the school year. OC is almost done and overwith aswell, this wendsday if the final for bio lab, which i have no doubt that i will end with an A in that class. now ethics is a different story, i need to see what my grade is in this last test that i took, i also need to do all those homework assignments that i never did. LOL. gahhh. if i get a B in that class ill be fine, but i really dont want another C, itll be like ughhh. but once these two classes are over, im DONE with OC. i dont ever want to take classes there again. im seriously DONE with OC after this month. hahaha. i have no plans to take classes in the summer, and nothing is going to change that, well unless i have a really bad grade in ethics, then i will retake it this summer, but whatever. i think im good.

i recently changed my tongue ring to a more colorful one. i got a rainbow one. super cute. im still fully inlove with my piercing haha. i cant stop playing with it!. lol i also got a few other different rings so i think ill be switching every 2-3 weeks on them. (:

my life is turning into an episode of THE HILLS.

so this weekend was "the hills" weekend on mtv. all five seasons of the hills played on mtv all day saturday and sunday. i of course watched them all. well not necessarly all, i did wake up late, and i did go out in the afternoons, but i did watch most of them. i enjoyed reliving the whole "hills" hype... i came to a few realizations while watching the episodes.

1. the first place were i heard of Lady Gaga was on the hills!,
2. the girl that was with stephanie in club opera, screaming at lauren for
having beef with speidi, is named roxy, (she was stephanie's best friend), now
is on whitney's show "The City" and is friends with whitney!.

pretty crazy realizations haha. well other than that i enjoyed watching my favorite episodes over again. and refreshing my memory from start to finish, gettin me ready for the last season of the show. can't wait.. but.. as i spent most of my weekend watching the hills, i couldnt help but notice how similar my current life was to the events taking place in the show... it was actually sad seeing that, noticing how the things that were making me sad, were actually sorta the same things that were causing problems to some of the main characters... i just came to a realization that my life was turning to an episode of the hills... but as much as i love the show, i wouldnt want some of the situations that happened in the show to take part in my life... AT ALL.

in the famous words of a now ugly woman, " what did i do?!!,... what did i do??!!"

hurts.

..its times like these when i wish that i could just crawl under a rock, and stay there forever. i dont like feeling like this.. like my world is already falling apart piece by piece as a new chapter in my life is barely going to begin.. and once again, im feeling like im being questioned, like im being doubted. and thats not a pretty feeling to feel, trust me. im to the point where i dont want to do anything anymore.

i had a plan, a surprise planned, but now... i dont even know if i should go through with it.. she wants to question my friendship..? her out of all people.. i honestly dont see the reason behind it. yes i havent been that social, or even plain out not social for idk how long, but that doesnt mean anything. that doesnt mean i hate everyone or that im not including them in my life. i havent done anything, planned anything, or even gone anywhere where people should feel like im not including them. I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING to not not include ANYONE, so it honestly hurts me that people even feel like that, especially you, you out of all people, you that means everything to me. i really dont want to end my high school experience like this... were suppossed to stay together forever.. remember.... if it honestly is my fault for all of this, then im truly sorry, i dont like making people feel like they are no longer part of my life, im not that type of person and i thought it was clear as to what kind of friend i am..

YET again.

well.. im doing it again... im falling for a straight guy.. YET AGAIN.. story of my life. hahaha. i guess i couldnt jst not think about guys, or i jst couldnt NOT not have a crush on someone, its like i need to constantly be liking someone in order for me to be happy, and comfortable with myself... its funny how ive known this guy for my whole high school life, and im barely actually falling for him. i mean, i did think he was cute as the years progressed, but NOW, senior year has put him in a new light, ive really noticed him this year. and im loving it... i feel like its junior year all over again, except this time its with a different guy, the reason being.. the guy actually talks to me, makes me laugh, and isnt bothered by my extremely obvious flirting, (well atleast i think, i mean im pretty obvious, but you never know), and its because for these reasons that im really into him.

i guess that whenever this type of guy comes my way, i always think that i could change him, that it would jst take one night.. or not even a night, more like our conversations, and us bonding together, that he could turn on me, and be my one and only that ive been looking for, but i have to bring myself down to reality everytime, and i dont mind at all. i jst enjoy the time that i have, and make the best of it. i know that ill get over him sooner or later, and he will jst be added to the list of guys that i crushed on deeply while in high school. now that i think about it.. he might be the last one...

healing process

soo, ive had this tongue piercing for 3 days now, and my tongue has turn into a faken watermelon. LOL. its sooo fat. ! swelled up alot. my barbell has made an indent on the top of my tongue, which burns everytime i kind move it. i had a major lisp. all my friends are making fun of me. ahah. but i jst cant wait for the two weeks to ber over, and then i can switch to a smaller one, and with better balls, bc i dont really like the metal ones.

im not really enjoying this healing process, at the moment i had fluid in my mouth, i sprayed h2ocean body and oral piercing spray in my mouth, and im holding it in for 10 mins, but i want to vomit everytime, bc its jst salty and goeyy, not very good. im doing everything i can to make this swelling go down faster. i want my normal tongue back!. lol

my biggest problem that i have at the moment, is not being able to eat what ever the fuck i want, or even eatign comfortably. it takes me 30 mins to finish freaking small fries. wtf? and then i cant eat dairy, i dont want no facken yeast infection in my mouth so im staying away from all my favority dairy stuff... such a pain!. lol.

i jst want this whole healing process thing to be over, because everyday that i wake up, and my tongue is still swollen, i get worried, and i dont like feeling like that at all. worst feeling ever. in other news, ive been hiding my piercing very well, nobody in my house has noticed my piercing, or even my lisp! yay me. i want this to heal, and then ill probably think about telling them. haha.

piercing.

well.... i finally did it.. after so much talk about me getting my tongue pierced, i finally ended up doing it. i freaking love how it looks!. LOL

i was freaking nervous walking to the tattoo shop, me and cassie were trying to calm myself down, talking bout random things, and just laughing. we were joking about how we were the last two people who would walk in into a tattoo shop asking for a body piercing. ahha. it was funny. well we got there, and we saw some hot ass guys, that defenetly calmed me down. one was even walking shirtless. dammm. what a nice body he had. my piercer took a while to get the stuff ready, but when it was time, i was prepared. the actuall procedure didnt really hurt, it was more like a little pinch in the tongue. he told me that i had a short tongue, so it would be difficult for him to pierce it, but in the end it all worked out, and before i knew it, it was over. now im enduring the aftermath, it freaking hurtss!. like seriously its soo soree. and im freaking hungry that i dont now how im going to eat. im like starving at the moment!. gahhh. i want to be as cautious as possible with this thing. i think im seriously going to be a clean freak with my mouth. i researched and it said that i shouldnt use lots of mouthwash, but idk if ima follow that. well i guess, ill defently be loosing some weight now, because im putting myself in a strict diet. for two weeks. i can do it!.

im expecting for my tongue to swell, hopefully it doesnt swell soo bad.

O! another thing, my family absolutely doesnt know anything about this, idk how long im going to keep this secret, hopefully i can for a really long time. i mean, im 18, but they jst wouldnt understand. gahh.

time to wake up

time to wake up from this break slumber. ughhh. what a facken drag. tomorrow im back to school, and im not so extatic about it. well all i can now keep telling myself is, less than 3 more facken months left. gahhh. cant waiit.

the end of this spring break was actually very pleasin in my opinion, it actually has been a very more producitve and enjoyable spring break ever, for me that is. haha. friday was awesome.

went to citywalk, walked around, entered shops here and there, window shopped, then we left and somehow ended up in hollywood. haha. OMG. i saw freaking AUDRINA PATRIDGE from the hills. !!! like we were at the stoplight and her car was next to ours!. it was sooo funny, i jumped and like practically stucked my head out the window. she didnt look out her window thou. i was like soo tempted to throw something at her window, but i didnt. aah. i took a picture in my phone, but u can hardly see her because it was in the evening, and her windows were tinted. she was soo pretty, and FACKEN skinny!. haha loved her. after that we decided to test our luck again and roam around hollywood blvd and sunset blvd in the car. sooo fun. we saw woody, buzz, star wars people, and JESUS!. ahaha, there was actually a guy inpersinating jesus. haha. it was gettin late so we decided to go look for LA INK, actually known as high voltage tattoo, i didnt know that haha. but we did find it, and we saw the shop, we saw kat's brother, and we saw the infamous mural in the back of the shop. such a memorable day it was.

saturday was left for a movie day with saraa. ! nobody wanted or couldnt go, so it was a "hot" date for us. ahaha. it turned out in the end that her fam was joining in. ahahaha. it was soooo funny. ! her fam was cool. (: we watched clash of the titans. it was cool. i liked it. but something was said that brought memories. haah. well, the movie was about greek gods u know.. so the name apollo was mentioned, and i was like OOOOOOOmg. ahahah. sooo funny, i didnt trip though, no bigggie.

sunday was my big egg war at the beach. for easter of course, ahah. i dont jst have random egg wars at the beach. LOL. it was FUNNN... who uses confetti nowadays??? its all about FLOUR! haha. we were a flour mess, especially me, everyone was ought to get me i swear, they all wanted to ruin my hair. -_-. it was cool though, i was ready for war. great day it was.

for the first time in a long time.... i dont have homework on sunday night!. ahahaha. it feels ooo soo good to be free tonight. maybe ill be doing this more often,... i did say that i was going to try and be a goood student after break, so imatry my best to put that into action. it a must!. my grades arent lookignt oo good at the moment. ewww.

(: <333

bittersweet.

spring break... it has been good for the most part i guess. i mean i not in mexico, but fuck it, i rather be here spending it with the family and friends. (:

so being 18 hasnt been any different than being 17 haha. i mean i like the title but i havent put it to the test yet. hopefully i can soon. ive been wanting to get a tongue piercing, better yet, i was suppossed to ahve gotten it this week, but because i have things going on with the family, where i want to eat, and where i dont want to be cautious in, i have to postpone my piercing. hopefully next week, idk, haha, i really want it though. my party was fun for the most part. i should have gotten a better jolly jumper haha. we could hardly jump in it, well ACTUALLY, we COULDNT ahaha. one step on the edge and our faces/asses were tocuhing the ground. i guess it was fun falling over and over again. haha. but i wish i would have gotten a better one, one were we could have actually been able to jump, and where we could of enjoyed the slide. maybe next time. (: i sensed something in the air that afternoon, very unecessary things were said, but whatever, it wasnt my place to get involved in, but i didnt like it either. fuck it. im over it.

our beach day was fun, we had sort of like a picnic at mandalay,claudias ceviche was bomb. (: i always love her ceviche. ahahaa, played lots of "games" tried to make a huge human pyramid, that was unsuccessful, but we made a small one, ahah, one with a 3 people base. played piggy back race, i broke lina and nelle, aahha well actually only jannelle, she couldnt carry me so we fell to the floor. funny, lina can actually carry me!. hha. i took me tunr being in the bottom, ahaha. BOTTOM. lol, i carried cassie, sara, and nicole. fun. played red rover or how ever u spell it, i was very good, i was not about to let go of anyones hand no matter how much it would hurt.

our PHO night was very good. it was myself, cassie, sara, amanda, and CRISTIAN!. ahah. miracle he went out for a change. we mostly ordered our usuals, the food was bomb, i freaking love that place. lots of conversations were made, lots of laughs were made, and it was just an overall great night with the friends. i kept touching my tongue because i wanted a tongue piercing soo much, they kept makign fun of me. ahha... in other news, cristian is seriously a cutie. he made me smile everytime he spoke, whether if it was directed to me or not. i guess i found myself my next "crush", bout time, that apollo event really took a toll on me, but im back, and im happy. (: after pho we went to jack in the crack because cristian kept complaining that he wanted s a burger, we took him (next door) and we got ourselfs some oreo shakes. yumm. more laughs were exchanged, and sexual stuff was said between cassie and myself. ahaha. sooo funny.

cassie: "ewww you would really go down?!"
me:" ummm yeaa?.. what else am i suppossed to do??"

ahahaha soo funny. cassie and her reactions are hilarious. love her. in the end it was myself, saram and amanda for like an hour. sara's ride wasnt coming so we jst chilled there talking and bonding. perfect it was. (:

in more shocking news.. im actually not procastinating with my spring break homework! shocking right??? i finished most of my stuff already, and its barely the middle of the week, ahaha, i made 6 poems, 4 of which im very happy with, finished a stupid book for government AP review, and all i have to do now is a project. i have an idea of what i want to do, but now i just have to put it into action. im like soo proud of myself for not letting all this stuff for sunday night. haha i guess i figured i wasnt going to be able to do everything since that sunday was easter sunday. which i cant faken wait for. EGG WAR will be happening. HECK YESS.

o. i went out driving today for a change. i paid for an instructor to take me because i simply wastn going to learn with the people in this house. everybodu is either busy, or faken lazy i swear. gahh. anyways. it was pretty good. drove for 2 hours, compared to the 10 mins i did in my first time. lol. i actually went on the main streets this time. didnt crash, learned how to park, how to turn, and how to reverse, plus a 3 point turn, and a u-turn. i felt very successful. now i have to seriously annoy the hell out of my siblings to take me out because i dont want to pay again. that shit was expensive. >_>

thoughts: high school.. im soo faken over it already, college can u come any faken slower? gahh. i jst want to leave oxnard already no faken idea. this huge friendship that we all once had.. i see it slowly diminishing, and its sad to see, not even to graduation yet, and were slowly breaking off. soo much drama... UNECESSARY drama that is.. soo annoyed with it already... i guess heading off t0 college wont be AS hard AS i thought it would be..

night. (:

its been nice knowing you "youthness".

as minutes countdown i felt like bloggin one last time as a 17yr old...

i cant believeits been 18 years already. wow. my life has certainly been interesting for the most part. it has also been very nice in my opinion. i was very lucky to have been giving the life that i have, been fortune enough to have met the people that i have met, and blessed to have made such amazing friends that will last me a lifetime, i hope.... now as my youthness is officially diminishing, im very excited to begin my new life, as a legal adult.

im looking forward to many things with my new priviliges. piercings, tattoos, non-curfew, no need to ask my mom for permission signatures.. accompaning these new privileges, is my last year of high school, and my first year of college, another set of things that im greatly lookign forward to.

20 mins now.... (:

never thought i would.

ive finally cracked. ive had soo many emotions packed inside me, not only from recent events but just from my overall life, they kept building and build that they finally broke loose. idk how they did but... well.. i guess i do, one last thing finally hit me and i couldnt take it anymore, so i released them the best and worst way anyone could. by crying.

i never thought i would crack. i saw myself as someone that could hold on to my personal emotions so well, i guess im not that much of a rock. its been years since i cried that i thought i wouldnt cry anymore.. i was wrong. never did i think i would cry like how i did. the more i thought about things, the worse it would get. the music playing in my ears wasnt that much of help either, coincidentially lots of sad songs played during that time.. i guess i can finally say that ive had an emotional breakdown, or that i was an emotional wreck...

it feels good to have been wiped out from all those emotions i had. i feel refreshed now..... ok im not gonna lie, im not completely wiped, im still a little sadden but im sure itll pass. now i have to move on with my life, the past is the past, and the future awaits me.

i dont get it. .... "/

And just like that, my hopes and possibilities get shot down. One more time..... I don't get it, am I not alowed to be with anyone? Am I not allowed to at least meet a guy that will feel the same towards me, as I would feel towards him?.... Idk, am I asking for too much? Someone plz just tell me. I feel like my feelings have been played with, but I'm not blaming anyone except myself, for I was the one that put out my feelings, I put them out hoping someone would take a chance with them, but nobody seems to want to right now.

Now.... That stranger...... That stranger that I got excited to meet this whole past week, is gonna end up being just a stranger. I knew it was too good to be true when I heard he was coming down. I knew that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore, I jst didn't want to go by it. And in the end, I was right, once again.. I was right. And i HATE it. "/


If some people have it so easy and simple, why can't I?... I'm not any different then they are..... I just don't get it.

is my time coming?

anxious, nervous, happy, worried, scared, excited.. these are all the feelings im feeling at the moment. the reason being: a boy. an old stranger is coming down this weekend, and stranger he is aha. ive waited a little over 3 months for him, and the time is finally ending. i made sure not to waste my time waiting for him, i had my little adventure at the begginig of this year, so i wasnt completely lonely. now, 24 hrs or even less than that is what keeps me separated from that stranger.. that stranger i never got to meet this past november. he said he would return, and i hope he is returning because of me. but i have to be careful, i dont want to be gettin my hopes up too soon like i always tend to do, i have to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, cant be on cloud 9 right now. first, he has to arrive, and second, we need to see if he hasnt forgotten about me. my mind has it set that hes coming down, that were going to meet up, and that something will spark. i cant let my mind control me right now, its not healthy for me. we all know what that got me last time. absolutely nothing. i dont want to end up like that again, i wasnt a happy camper. now this weekend... this weekend will tell it all.

COUNTDOWN.

so the countdown to my 18th birthday is officially starting. i have 25 days to go. i honestly feel like an 18 yr old already, i mean what is going to change in these next 3 weeks that is going to be different once i turn 18. thats right NOTHING. i guess its good to have the official tittle though.

one thing that i need to accomplish before i turn 18 though, is to learn how to faken drive. gahh, i want to take my drivers test on spring break, which is the week after my birthday. perfect right?? driving by april, that is my goal. i really hope that i get a car for my 18th but i highly doubt it, its nice to think about it though, think about things that my family is not willing to do. i guess i bring my own hopes up, so that they can be broken down later, whether its for love, or for my everyday life, i cant seem to learn to stop gettin my hopes up for things. LOL. but anyways back to my upcoming event of my life. i hope that once im OFFICIALLY 18, my family will cut me some slack, and let me make my own facken choices, i dont need to be checked up on 24/7, they better cool it off, or else im not going to be a happy camper. to get more liberty i guess i might need to get a job so that im not constatly asking for money, and im willing to do that, but i want to know how to drive first, i dont wanna be asking for rides, i wanna drive there myself, and then go somewhere afterwards. so if im going to get a job, driving is a must. thats my plan, and theres no changing.

RANDOM: im currently listening to "cater 2 u" by destiny's child. i havent heard this song in years, it was brought back to my attention by another song that was in a kareokee machine. i can say that i have fallen back in love with it, i have it nonstop playing in itunes. haha. <3 (:

some memories, will never fade away.

so yesterday after everyone left from bexy's surprise birthday party. it was just me, sara, and bexy herself. haha. we were chillen in the couch talking about who knows what, but then i started talking about my life. it was pretty deep. i was just going off about how in 7th grade was were all the talking started about my sexuality, and how i started to like guys. sara asked me when was it that i knew that i was gay and i told her it was about 6th grade. but as i thought about it more, i came across very old memories about my life in mexico, and i relized that i had known about the male body more in depth when i was a kid. as i told my story about the things that happened and the things i did with my friends, bexy and sara just kept laughing and didnt believe me. they said it was my mind making me believe what i wanted to believe. but i know its nothing like that. i KNOW what i did, and i KNOW what happened.

dont think anything weird like i got raped, or sexually abused as a child, it was nothing like that. it was just boys testing things, and playing around. i mean, i didnt know what i was doing, but i know for a fact that it happened. as i kept talking about my life bexy and sara were all laughs and i couldnt help but to laugh with them, it was a funny situation, me bringing all this up out of nowhere and them not believing me, i couldnt help it but to laugh with them. i explained how i was introduced to the penis at a very young age, and how me and my friends did many..... things. i dont know how to explain it with out sounding like to total lunatic, but bottom line is that we were kids that didnt know what we were doing, well... at least I DIDNT.

my final thoughts on all of this are that, as much as my friends dont wanna believe those things actually happened, all i can say is that theres memories that you will never forget, no matter how old they are..... mine just happen to be those.

Dreams really DOn't come true.

its done, a clear path has finally opened up for me. i now know what i have to do, and what i have to move on from.

for the past month and a half, ive been in a total confusion bubble. i was in love, and i couldnt get myself out of it. my person of interest was a guy that lived miles away from me, i never thought about long distance relationships, i actually thought they were lame, and not worth it. BUT.. HE made me think twice about it. i like him soo much that i desperately wanted to be the one for him, and i honestly thought that he was the one for me, the one that i've been waiting for ever since love came into mind. i wanted it soo badly that i would make myself miserable whenever i felt that things were going downhill. we had our late night conversations, staying up till one us fell asleep, mostly him, we talked about random things, and not so random things. i was finally happy for once in my life, our conversations made me feel that there was actually a possibility there, a possibility that he would be the one for me, but every week things would change very quickly. our conversations wouldnt be as good, i would feel that i was boring him, and i would stop myself from txting him for a few days simply because i wanted to lose that feeling that i would constantly get whenever i would talk to him. that i was annoying him because i would txt him 24/7, my mind would tell me that i was fucking things up, and i would make myself miserable in return. those were the days that i would go to school feeling down, being completely noticeable to my friends, looking like a total loser that is impatient, and wants somebody to love him, somebody for him to be with. those were the days. but jst like that, things would change back and it would be perfect again, or even better than usual in some occassions. i was literally being taken in an emotional rollercoaster ride, but i didn't want to get of. i was to the point where i would rather be in that ride, than be waiting in the back of the line.

he would talk to me in a way that you normally wouldnt talk to a friend, but someone you thought more than that. or atleast thats what i thought and believed. our conversations would be soo random that sometimes he would bring up other guys. he would tell me how he liked them, how they liked him, and how he wanted to be with one of them. he would ask for my advice about what to do, and who to choose. you could imagine how i would be feeling. i would get soo jealous, and sad that he would think about other guys, after all of our conversations. i would even think that he would make them up jst to make me jealous, or to simply test me, but that was just my mind trying to protect me from reality. but by my mind protecting me, it let me get deeper and deeper into this whole situation, and i ended up gettin my hopes up for absolutely nothing.

i didnt have the guts to tell him that i liked him before, but valentines day was coming up so for some reason i got a boost of confidence and i told him how i felt. he didnt tell me that he felt the same, but he didnt tell me that he felt otherwise either. he simply asked why, why i liked him. i explained, and told him that i didnt expect anything in return, and that was because it was true, i didnt expect him to like me back jst because i told him how i felt, i needed to get it off my chest, and he told me that he understood what i meant. since that day i began to have a secret identity in a place called formspring. it was a place where you could ask people questions or jst talk anonymously, and he happened to get an account, so when i realized that our conversations were just not good enough anymore, that the whole things seem to be going downhill, i became anonymous and started to talk to him there. i asked him to be my valentine, and he agreed, we had a whole set out for valentines day, but i knew that it was just made up, he lived miles away so i didnt actually expect the plan to get into action, but it was fun to pretend. you see how much i was into this guy? i was going crazy for him, and he hardly knew it. when valentines day came, i didnt really talk to him, the whole point of the day had me down and i wasnt really in the mood, but i decided to make the best of it, not really caring about it. spent it with the fam bam, and that was all i needed. later at night i finally talked to him in formspring and asked him playfully what happened to our whole plan, from there our conversation started. he really wanted to know who i was, so i told him, he said he was literally surprised, that many other people crossed his mind except me, i guess it was really unexpected for me to do soemthing like that. i continued talking to him, and as time passed our conversation started heading into something that i didnt like. BOREDOM. i kept trying to change the topic, kept trying to talk about interesting stuff, but i was running out of things to say, then he brought up some other guy. i simply told him that i rather not talk about him, and that seemed to give me a boost of confidence to tell him, or more like ask him how he felt about me. ever since i told him how i felt i wanted to know how he felt back, i told him everything i felt and why i wanted to know. i was tired of tearing myself apart, letting myself get my hopes up, and believing that there could possibly be something there. he told me that he just saw me as a "cool friend". that wasnt the answer that i wanted to hear, but i took it how it was. i guess that while i was gettin my hopes up, i was slowly preparing myself for that part, that huge part that i believed he wouldnt feel the same because it didnt hurt me at all that he felt that way. i mean, i was hurt, i wanted to test things out, i wanted him to be the one, but i wasnt extremely hurt in the end. i know that i sound crazy for saying that i was SO deeply into this guy, and then to say that i wasnt badly hurt when he didnt feel the same, but the whole time i had doubts in the actual outcome. my mind played a game of tug of war , one side was what i wanted the outcome to be, and on the otherside was a more probable chance in reality, reality would always win in my mind. then why did i bother? i jst really liked him, i didnt care for reality.

now that im done digging my hole, and ive found a clear path to follow, i can look back at that month and a half and be happy for allowing myself to want to test things out, and for all the good moments i had. im glad that i still got him as a friend, or atleast i hope i still do, hes very cool, and i wouldnt want to end things just like that. now i go and begin my search once again for that guy... that guy that i just simply can't seem to find. wish mee luck.

MY version of Valentines Day, not HOLLYWOOD's.

february 14 has come once again, and its now minutes away from being just another day. i was once again single, SURPRISE.. -_- when i woke up i was jst not feeling the day at all, i was practically down for the whole beggining of the day. i thought that my day was just going to be as miserable as any other valentines day, but im glad it wasnt. hollywood's version on this day was very sweet and funny, i admit i did like their sefl tittled day movie. i could go watch it again and again if i wanted, but my day wasn't going to go like the one in the movie, not even close. the closest it could of gotten to might of been the part where jessica beil throws a "i hate valentine's day party" where people wack a heart shaped pinata. ahaha. thats as close as to what my actual valentines day could of gotten. the pinata part might of been FUN!, but there was no pinata on my day, ahaha.

it was the afternoon when i heard that my mom and sister were going to go to camarillo for who knows what, all i knew was that i WAS NOT ABOUT TO STAY HOME ALONE, i was not about to be miserable for the rest of the day, so i txted my cousin to see what she was going to do for the rest of the day. it turned out that she was jst home, bored, furstrated, with nowhere to go. so i asked her if i could get dropped off, and she said i totally should, we could chill, and have fun together. so that was my plan for the rest of the day. it was about 5pm when i arrived at my cousin's and when i entered her house it turned out that my other two cousins where there too, i asked them if they were going to go out, and they were like

"noo, this day sucks!!"

i agreed with them. haha. then i realized that they were watching Halloween 2 so i joined them. i didnt realize how gory that film was, michal myers was seriously on crack, he would stab people on their spine like 20 times, no kidding. he would cut their heads off with glass, butcher them with an axe, and pop flatten up their heads with his foot. soo much blood was spilled, soo many "ewww's, blahhh's, and gahhh's" were said, and soo many bones were borken. michael had jst finished stabbing a nurse in her spine for the 20th time when i said,

"what a GREAT movie to watch on valentines day!!"

my cousins were like

"fuck yeaah! we dont need no faken romance, some blood, and gore is perfectly
fine."

ahahaha. it was hilarious. to add to the GREAT atmosphere the lights went out like 30 mins into the movie. we all were like wtf?! ur kidding! that was a good movie. ! then my cousin was like

"let's light up some candles, it adds to the romance"

ahaha. we started laughing. it took like 6 mins for the lights to come back on and for us to continue watching our movie. we got hungry half way into it and decided to go for something to eat. carl's jr was the place of choice, yumm i got me a nilla shake, a western, with cris-cut fries. ! i was a happy camper. we went back home and enjoyed our meal, chatted it up, and then the lights went out yet again. this time we were in complete darkness, it was scary. !! we had our phones on and made scary faces. ahha. eventually the lights came back on, and me and my cousin started a conversation on our love lifes. it got pretty deep. then my ride came to pick me up, and it was time for me to go home.

what a great day it turned out to be, while people were out on their dates, celebrating their love, i was at my cousin's watching gory bloody films. ahahah. thats how i roll. NO NEED for me to be at home, alone, miserable, tearing myself apart for being single, NO NEED for that at all. quality time with thee fam bam was my remedy from an emotional breakdown. now i can move on with the rest of the year, looking forward to my birthday, my license, my graduation, and my hopeful car. (:

Bonding.

so today has been another great day spent with thee friends. i lovee these type of days, being out of the house, bonding with thee friends, being random, laughing, and going from place to place.

today was the haiti fund event that was going to be held at a car dealer's shop, team infinity to be exact. so i had to wake up early and be there at 10:30, that didn't happen, i woke up at 10, showered, and by the time i arrived at the actual event it was close to being 11. i didnt really matter, the event was barely starting so it was still empty. if your wondering what we were doing there and why we were helping out, it was because we were asked to participate in the event to raise funds for haiti relief. we joined a few more groups there, like oxnard knights, aeropostale, Q104.7, and some other group that i dont remember their name. haha. well it was decided that we were going to be seeling valentines day candy grams because valentines was going to be tomorrow, so it was perfect. we made chocolate roses, and candy leis. these were made PRIOR to the event, at cassie's house. we produced lots of roses and a few leis. it was all good.

like i mentioned earlier, when i arrived there it was EMPTY, nobody was really there, nobody was really buying anything, more people for our group started to arrive, and then it was still empty. a few roses and leis were bought but we were still stuck with a bunch. i was pretty much over the whole thing 30 mins into it. nobody was arriving, and i jst felt that it was a waste of time to be there. i had set my time limit to 12:30 for me to leave, but that changed once people started to arrive, bussiness kicked in, and lina, jannelle, and eddie hustled people to buy our candy. i pretty much chilled the whole time in the back, enjoying the sun and wind. very relaxing. it was about 2 or 2:30 when we sold out. nicee! we raised about 130+?? dollas for haiti felief. we felt accomplished. when we finished we all felt hungry to we went to costco for some hotdogs, and pizza. when i mean we, i mean, myself, lina, andrew, jannelle, cynthia, eddie, eilien and christian.

at costco eilien bought me a hotdog because i was broke. lol. tyy!. it was actually my first time eating a costco hotdog, it was yummy, very big and juicy, AHAAH. so we ate, and then christian decided that he wanted burger king fries, so we walked our asses to burger king for him to get his fries. chilled at burger king for a while, then we left becasue jannelle wanted to go to a clothing warehouse to find herself a vneck. she achieved that mission and then we booked it to walmart to get andrew some hair products because he simply can't live without them. i dont blame him, hair is very important. i didnt like how they remodeled walmart, eveything was moved around, and it looked smaller. not a very good design, after walmart we went to ross because lina and jannelle were going to look for who knows what. ahaha. me, andrew, cynthia, eddie, eilien, and christian stood by the tie section and talked, well, they talked while i stared at myself in the mirror the whole time. ahaha. conceited??, nahh. lina and nelle shopped pretty fast, we were surprised, haha. well jannelle needed to go to the bank so lina went with her in her car. the rest of us went in eiliens car and chilled in the parking lot until something was decided on what to do next. christian wanted to go home so we took him home, and invited ourselfs into his home. ahahaha

christian's house was veryy pretty. his parents were nicee. (: he had a cutee doggie named mojo.

eddie:"mojo???? like mojo jojo?"

me: "from powerpuff girls??!?!!?"

eventually lina and nelle joined us and we decided to play the wii, that is after the hour long that it took to actually figure out how to play it on the tv. ahaha. you would guess that since christian lived there he would know what to do, but he couldnt figure it out. ahah funny. but eventually his brother came to thee rescue and fixed our situation. mario kart was the game of choice, i was really good at it, i placed 1st on both of my turns.! lina is freaking hilarious trying to play. aahahaha. she had as all laughing. (: christian's fam bam were soo nice they got us pizza, COSTCO pizza to be exact. ahaha. i didnt mind it, i had a hotdog, and i was craving pizza from costco so i was good. it was BOMB. ! my first time trying costco pizza, and i freaking loved it. eli eventually had to go home, especially cynthia, haha, so since eli was leaving we left too becasue she was our ride. we thanked christian for having us, ahaha, when we invited ourselfs, and left, lina and nelle stayed, and who knows what time they left. throught the whole afternoon from the time we left the haiti event, to the time we were going home, the drivin portion was being taken over by my ipod and "DJ magana's (cynthia)" skills. ahaha. songs from, miley cyrus, to rihanna, to mariah carey were played. but "DJ magana" needed to stick to one song, ahaha, she kept changing it 20 seconds into the song. ohh myy. that driving time was hilarious.

now im home, watching tv, bloggin, and being irritated with the little kids that are here, that are going to sleep over, ughhh. hahaha. help me. -_-

thoughts on LOVE

after watching Dear John, i came to a conclusion that i seriously despise/hate romantic movies at the moment. everytime i finish watching romances, i feel like shit. like they put my life in perspective, and show me how pathetic my love life really is. i get so jealous of the people in the movies, and how perfect they have it to have someone that loves them. someone they spend their days talking to, and being all lovey dovey with. i dont have that, and ive never had that.

i dont mean to sound desperate, but i mean understand my situation. im almost freaking 18 yrs old, and i've never been in a relationship. like seriously, i know that im not a freaking HOT ass guy, but like am i really soo ugly that i cant get anybody to be intersted in me?? ive been madly in love with people, have had major crush obsessions, but never have i had any of those things directed towards me.

i doubt people actually know how miserable i feel. yea i act like im freaking desperate to have someone, but its not just that. Im tired of waiting, ive been waiting my whole four years of high school for something to actually happen, and im jst to the point that i feel that if i keep waiting, not doing anything about it, that i will never be with anyone. i hate this feeling, but i jst cant help it. im naive to that whole world that i jst dont know what to do, or how to act.

i wanna say, things will come when the time is right, but im tired of going by that. TIRED.

new semester. SAME SHIT.

old things never change.
it looks like school is going to be the same as always. the new semester started and nothing really changed, except for the fact that we transfered over to enocomics now that we finished government. thats practically the only thing thats new. lol.

it was almost like deja vu. my schedule was messed up. this time it wasnt as bad as the actual first day of school, but it still bugged me that the administration couldnt get things right. like really.. really now? gahh.

i got my class back by the beginning of lunch though. apparently our principle is trying to kiss our asses and make us like him, so he changed mine and other peoples schedule. jst bc he did this one good thing, doesnt mean that we are going to forget about all the things that he screwed up on.

as the saying goes.

old habits, never change.

finals. finals. FINALS. !

so what do you know. 1st semester of my SENIOR year, came and went. im still in shock of how fast it passed. one more semester left, and im out of high school. whooaahh. soo many memories, so many good times, so many crushes, haha, but thats for another time. we still have 2nd semester to create more wonderful things. !

the thing im focusing on now are finals.

whooaahh,, calculus, to FACKEN english, to easy ass physiology. finals went pretty well for the most part. lol

CALCULUS.
- the calculus final wasn't that bad, i actually thought it was pretty easy. but when ever i think that about a math it always ends up backfiring on me. haha. for the most part i understood what to do, the previous day me and cynthia were studying how to set up equations on paper, and on calculator. get this, we were studying at CARL's JR. AHAHAH. yyy u ask??? because me and my friends would be the only people down to do that. ahaha. but yea, i finished my test on the first day, while most people didnt, and got a second day to do it. yy u ask again? becasue our calculus class was in first period, which is 50 minutes long, compared to our other classes that are 1hr and 50 mins long. but yeah, i had finished my test on the first day, so i didnt needed to continue doing it the second day, but i took the day to look over my work for mistakes. i felt very confident in the end.

GOVERNMENT AP
- our final was a partyy. ! woot woot. haha. we didnt have an actual final, final. we had taken a unit test the week before, so that was counted as our final. even though it wasnt. we had a "cultural exchange" lots of good food was brought. my favorites are claudia's ceviche, and deanna's spinach dip. YUMM- O they are freaking BOMB. not joking. i was pregnant with a food baby by the time class ended.

ASB
- here, we had yet, another party. AHAHAHAH. dont worry this was on a new day. not right after the government one. haha. here lots of good food was brought as well, enchiladas, pancet, bacon, beans, waffles, cereal, french toast, donuts, cake, and deanna's spinach dip. ! hahah. (it was breakfast themed,)it wasnt really sticked to thoguh, haha but whatever food was bomb. after this class ended, i had another freaking food baby. ughh. i really let myself goo. -_-

ENGLISH 4 AP
- here, was the final of hell, ohhh myyy. we got tested on EVERYTHING we talked about since day one of school. literally. tested on books we read over the summer, and during school. also on stories, poetry, and writing characteristics. but since nobody (me and friends) pay attention during her class, seriously we all txt, or even sleep right in front of the teacher, we had a really hard time. well i guess i can speak for myself on this one then, i HAD A REALLY HARD TIME. guessed pretty much all of the 100 questions. i no i got at least 20 or 30 questions right though. some of the questions i knew. this was the worst final, ughh. thank god it is over.

PHYSIOLOGY
- this test we underestimated it. we all thought that it was going to be soo hard. so we spent the night before the test making up our cheat sheets. we hoped from mcdee's to strabucks to finally jannelle's house. we wrote soo small and packed everything into an index card. surprisingly the index card was hardly needed. most of the questions were SUPER easy. but then again, if we hadnt made those cheat sheets, we would of missed alot of questions. ( i think i contradicted myself.. o well) by the end of the period. i felt good. even though i guessed on like 15 it was still a pretty easy test. i was happy with it.

FRENCH 4 AP
- for the last class, our teacher decides who takes the final. she decides this by excluding the people that have never been absent, from taking the test. THANKFULLY, i was one of those people. i couldnt afford taking that test, i needed full credit for the final (she gives full credit to people not taking the final). so instead of taking the final, me, dontae, eilien, and brenda, spent the class time playing scrabble. it was soo fun. some of us were making lots of points by just one word. ahah. in the end i got second place, with 153 points. 5 points short from dontae who got first place, 158.

overall, i was worried for nothing. most of the finals were pretty easy. now that i think about it, i only had to take 3 finals out of my 6 actual classes. yay me. !

well, first semester is over. time to begin and end my last semester of my high school career. ill keep you posted. (:

let me have a LIFE.

my whole life, ive been the good son, always stayed home, listened to rules, didn't do anything bad, or even get in soo much trouble. but now.. as a 17yr old, i just dont want to be like that anymore. im SICK and TIRED of been the good person, sick and tired of staying at home, wasting my time, while people are out enjoying their lifes. i want to have adventures out there in the world, not here in my house, playing video games and watching tv. but my mother just doesnt seem to understand.

see, im the baby in my family, and my mom is very caring over me, and its not that i hate that, i LOVE that shes soo carign about me, but she has to understand that im not a baby anymore. that i WANT a life.

shes never been strict with me, but now that ive grown up shes gotten wayy more strict and i dont like it at all. my thing with that is that why is she choosing to be strict now, now that im almost 18yrs old. im sure shes thinking that im when i go out, im out there drinking, or doing things i shouldnt be doing, and even though she tells me that shes not thinking that, i KNOW she is. whenever i go out i always tell her where i am, and where im going, but i feel like she thinks im lying to her. and it furstrates me. she needs to understand that im NOT like all those other teenagers my age, im NOTHING like them, i dont waste my time doing the STUPID things that they do. MY FRIENDS are not even like that either, so she doesnt need to worry about me hanging around that type of crowd.

i want to have the same previlages that all my other friends get, their parents, TRUST them, they get let out of the house until whatever time they want. I WANT to be like that, this is my last year with my friends (if we all separate in college) and i want to spend every moment with them. but that is costing me. my mother keeps calling my phone to come home, i have to argue with her evertime to tell her that im fine, that im not doing anything wrong, i tell her where i am, but in the end she makes me feel soo guilty that for the rest of the time im not happy or confortable being were i am.

last night, i spent it with ym friends, we were having a good time, went to eat, to the store, and finally to my friend's house. i told my mom that i was going to go out to eat, she was fine with it, but since my phone was broken (she knew it was) idk if she tried to locate me or something, but when i called her to tell her i was at my friends house she was mad at me. telling me that it wasnt the time for me to be at someone elses house, and that she wanted me home. i started arguing with her again, telling here the same things i always tell her. she ended up hanging up on me. that was around 8 or 9 pm. the rest of the night i spent it feelign guilty, and not comfortable at all, on one hand i felt that i should be going home, that i should listen to my mom, but in the other hand, i wanted to be with my friends, i didnt wanna go home to waste my time on the tv all alone. so i decided that i was going to stay. when we finally went home it was 2am. i got dropped off last. thinking that i was fine, and that my mom would get over it, i went inside and there she was, laying in the couch with a blanket waiting for me. and once i entered she started crying. she kept telling me that she was worried for me, that something could of happen to me, i kept telling her that she didnt have to worry, i wasnt doing anything wrong, that she needed to trust me. i almost cried along with her, but i held back the tears.

i jst hope that my mom comes around, and that she learns to trust me, to let me grow up, and to make my own choices. the last thing i want to do is hurt her, or push her away, but if she doesnt learn how to trust me, i dont know how things will be in the end.

PROCASTINATION: a love && hate relationship.

i think we all know what procastination is right??? if you don't, well let me tell you.

Procastination means that you wait till the last minute to get everything done, when you had LARGE amounts of free time to do it.

now that you know what procastination is, let me tell about the love and hate relationship that i have with it.

well, in school there are three kinds of people, the type that get everything done when its assigned, the type that don't care at all about what is assigned, and then there are the type of people that i happily fit myself into. the PROCASTINATORS. well i believe that my whole life ive been a procastinator, and ive noticed that u had dealt with it sooo well, that it has got me to where i am today. (: idk what it is about doing everything last minute that jst works out for me, but it does, and i dont have any problem with it. im not saying that im lazy when it comes to schoolwork, heck what am saying? yes i am lazy when it comes to homework.. who isnt??? certainly not myself, and the people i associate myself with. MY FRIENDS. we are one huge ass group of procastinators, and i love it ahah. but anyways, its not that i couldnt do my work when ever i had free time, i could if i really wanted to, but thats just simply not how my mind works. whenever i have an assignment and i know that it wont be due for a while, my mind just doesnt feel like working on it, instead it thinks

"O! i still have 2 weeks to get it done! why do it now??"

or in cases of research papers, or big projects

" O! i still have month and a half to get it done! whyy do it now???"

ahaha. i dont know why i have that state of mind when it comes to things like that, but i dont rwally mind it, because in the end, it works out wayyy better, then if i would of done stuff periodically. i guess what im trying to say is that i WORK BETTER UNDER PRESSURE. haha. when i know that something is due the next morning, then thats when i get to work on whatever it is, now matter how big or small the assignment is. thats when i truly get into "work mode" and waste my night working on stuff that i regret not working on earlier. even though i get furstrated with myself, and with the amount of work, i suck it up, because i only have myself to blame. but like i said, this has become my source of success throughout high school!. literally.

two main examples that i can give about how being a procastinator has made me achieve high grades on assigments would have to be, science fair project, and research papers. all i can say about the science fair project is that i spent one day working on it, (mainly night) and that one night was jst enough to get my project an awesome grade, and even qualify me for the county state science fair! and for the research papers, ive literally started and finished them the day before their due date, nights filled with furstration, tirednes, complete BS writing, and overall "im over it" mood. so what do those nights give me? they get my papers high scores. my papers turn out to be as good as the other papers, from the straight "A" students, students that did their papers with time, and spent lots of their time actually researching. haha ! HOW DO I DO IT? i honestly dont know. but im glad i do it. haha.

that was the thing i love about procastinatig, the thing i hate it about it, is the fact that i spend one whole night doing eveeything possible to get everything done. from txting, to twittering for assignments, to starting from scratch. gettin furstrated with the whole thing every hour of the way. wanting to give up, BSing it when u jst dont dont give a fuck anymore. WANTING TO SLEEP. and literally jst wanting to give up. you think to yourself,

"why did i wait last minute to do all this! i had twoo freaking weeks to get it
done and over with!"

you wish you could go back in time to actually do ur work, (well at least i think that ahaha). but other than these furstrating things, i enjoy doing it, HAHA, like i said, it works for me. so WHY NOT? <3> is not for everyone, me and my friends have literally become professionals in this artform. ahaha.



P.S. if you've sparked some thoughts about turning into a procastinator, dont, ur not going to handle it, truste me. it takes alot of endurance to not crack under the pressure.

A walk to remember.

Aww. What a great night it turned out to be. Such an adventure.!
We we were all bored so it was decided that we were going to thee movies today. At first the moviees were scheduled for tomorrow, but eddie nelle bexy and lina had mock trial so we weren't going to b able to hang out at night. So it was switched to today.
The movie: daybreakers. Yay for vampires! Ahah.

Well, as the time approached, the rain didn't want to stop, so we went to thee movies in the rain. Jhonny picked me up again. Then we went to pick up jannelle. She took forever, we thought that she was getting ready, but she didn't see the txt we jhonny sent her. So we had 10 mins to get to thee movie theater. We arrived on time. Jst in time for previews!! Best part. Haha.

Well the movie was pretty interesting. It was sooo dramatic, lots of dramatic music, and dramatic moments. Ahah. But for the most part, it was a freaking nutcase. WHAT THE? Ahah. Seriously, vampires turning ugly, eating each other, licking blood of the walls and floors. Whoaahhh. Crazy! Ahah.

Well the movie ended, and we went out to literally stand on the rain, and decide what we were going to do next. It took like 10 minutes to decide. We kept arguin on what was closer. Ahahah. Ohh myyy. Sooo funny. We decided on dennys, but one big problem, no car. So we HAD TO WALK, in the drizzle. Haha. That was an adventure let me tell u.

Ok so were walking,we decided to take a short cut through the oxnard parking lot.

Cynthia:" u crazy? Through the scary dark parking lot?! Were going to get raped!"
Andrew:" fernie won't mind!"
Myself:" ahah ill take one for the team u guys!!"

LMAO!! So we keep walking in the drizzle, cars passing us by. And were walking, laughing, andrew signing, and cynthia worring about her hair. I was worrying too, it was gettin really wet too. ): we jumped sooo many puddles, it was fun. Cassie wasn't successful, she got her ugg boots all wet. Haha. We were almost to dennys went the cops decided to slow down. Ohh myy. Scaryy. Ahah. My paranoid self worried aha. So we speeded it up. Well, me kristal, johnny, and cassie. Once we arrived to dennys, I was a HOT mess. Literally my hair was all ugly but it was w.e. I wasn't impressing anybody. Lol.

So we chilled in dennys, everyone got food except myself. I wasn't hungry. So I jst sat, and started bloggin this night.

(:


Well now were going home. I hope my mommy doesn't kill me.I'm not that wet, but let's hope she's not mad. (:

LETS ice skate!. (:

so my friends decided that we needed to go out yesterday (saturday), but we didnt know where to go or what to do. idk who it was either cassi or eddie, but it was decided that we should go ice skating.

so we arrive at the skating ring. its myself, sara, cynthia, andrew, eddie, cassie, jhonny, and CHRISTIAN ! whaaat?? ahah. hes been really outgoing lately. ahaha. (: but yeah we arrived, like at 7. the ring wasnt opned till 7:30 so we jst chilled outside, and then we headed inside to atleast get out skates. the entry fee was 10 dollas, i payed 8 in dollar bills, and 2 dollars worth of quarters ahah. the lady was looking at my quarters as my turn to pay was approaching. LOL.
so we pay and get our skates, i check my shoe size to see what i am, cause i completely forgot, and im a 7, so i tell the guy i need size 7, i try those out, and cant even squeeze my foot in. i go back to exchange them, and get some 8.5 those fitted a little better, i didnt know it yet, but they were going to be a PAIN IN THE ASS. so we all get ready, lock up our stuff into two small lockers. ahaha. and we hop into the ring. this was my second time going ice skating, but i might as well consider it my first, the last time i went was when i was like 10 years old. ahah. so i skating, almost falling here and there, cynthia was holding my hand, and teaching me how, then she leaves me on my own AHAHA. so im there going slowly around the ring, gettin the hang it, almost coming close to falling, next thing i kno, in the other side of the ring, sara falls and hits the side of her face. everyone was over there, and i couldnt go faster so i went slowly to where they were. when i reaced them i saw that sara had gotten a bruise. ouch. but she was a tropper and got back in the ring. it wasnt a ong time until i fell, well i more like slid, not literally fall, so i was good. i was making some good progress, gettin a little faster and faster. but i was being outshown by the hidden talent of johnny, ohh myyy. he was gliding all around that damm ring. so jealous i was. aha. but yeah, then i got tired so i hoped off to where everyone else was sittin and rested for a while.

after a few minutes, we hoped back in, this time i was going a little bit faster, not such a good idea, i freakin fall on my back. ahaha. darn, and i thought i was gettin the hang of it. but yeah i got up, and continued. it was sadd. most of the time i was by myself, going all around the ring. with everyone passing me once in a while. AHAHAHAHA. omg. how lonely. right? but then as i started to speed up i was keeping up with thee friends. by this time, my feet are killing me, ooomg they were hurting soo bad, lol. so we hop out once again, sit in the bleachers and check boys out. cassie slore had her eye on the ice patrol guard guy and she was determine to get his help. her and andrew plann this whole thing up that they are going to fall on purpose so that "he" can help them up. and what do u know, when they "fall" he goes to them, and helps them up. AHAHAAH. I WASN'T EVEN THAT DESPERATE. LOL. awwww love you guys. ahaha. but anyways their plan worked so cassie was extatic about it. in the other side of the ring, i was holding hands with sara, and going around the ring, pretty fun, but then idk what i did, but i fall on my back YET again. ahaha. ughh. "the guy" comes up to me and asks is i was alright. i was like yeaah thnx. (: ahaha. by this time, theres alot of people in the ring, old and young. speaking of young skaters, there was this little girl, wearing a pink jacket, that would always be falling. she jst wanted to get the attention of all the guys, like seriously, u cant be fallin that much. ahaha. SHE WAS DESPERATE. lol. she was like 5 yrs old. LMAO.

the minutes passed and i was really gettin the hang of it, i wasn't going that slow anymore, if my feet werent killin me, i think i would of been going faster, but that was my fault for gettin small shoes. by now the snow ball fight had already started after going around the ring lots of times, it tends to scrape up ice, and in return we amke it inot snow balls. (: haha. it was FUNN. gettin everyone in the head, andrew got me and i got him back, but the people i was aiming for were my new freshman friend krista and her friend emily. they kept throwing ice at me so it was only fair that i would get them back. ahah.
ok so me and krista were going back and forth hittin each other, and when its my turn to get her i skate soo fast to her that i have no idea what happened but i skated out of the ring, and landed on my back outside of the ice. ahaha. woaaahhh. it was crazy!. i wish it would of been recorded. ahah. that was the end for me lol. i WAS TIRED. and my feet were KILLING ME. ughh. i rested for the rest fo the time, and when it was time close up i skated jst one more time. i was a pretty fun night.

it was fun, but i was sooo ready to take those shoes off, and when i did, it was freaking heaven. i swear. soooo much relief. (: it felt really good to stretch those toes. (: ahah.

it was a good way to end the day to a boring saturday. (:
yay. i love my friends. (:

"Let's commit the perfect crime, i'll steal your heart, and you'll steal mine."

i want to believe that lovee, has found me this year already, but its still up in the air about the true meaning of it. ever since i became open with my friends about my love life, and they became open with me about theirs, im talking about gay love life, i always told myself that i would never be interested into someone that had been previously talking or seeing one of my friends. i always told myself that. i made it a rule for myself, but that rule apparently has dissapeared. i also made it a rule to not fall FOR a friend, bc if something would of happen, then i would of lost a friend, and i would of lost a love. but that rule seemed to have had dissapeared as well. not only did i almost completely fall for a friend, but now im falling for someone that one of them had been talking to previously.

im gladd that i quickly stopped myself, from completely falling for one of my friends, if i wouldnt, idk what awkwardness i would be in right now. im glad that THAT is now old water under the bridge, and that it occurred months ago, now im in a better place with that situation. but this new guy, i can't seem to stop myself, what i mean to say is that i DONT want to stop myself. i wanna jst let it happen. i enjoy our conversations, they always bring a smile to my face. but sometimes i feel that i ENJOY them TOO much that i always tend to ask for more, i feel like im a conversation sucking leech, and i feel like that is annoying him. i have gotten better with the amount of txts i send out, but here and there i slip. but then thing is that sometimes when i slip, it seems that he isnt bothered by it at all, and it brings comfort to me. he txts back perfectly fine, going along with the conversation, and even starting some new conversations of his own. ive felt soo many mixed emotions, that i didnt know what to feel anymore.
but things have changed now.

this past week, ive felt that ive gotten a little more close with him, and that he feels more comfortable with me. i no longer feel like im annoying him, bc he doesnt make me feel like that through his txts anymore. i feel soo happy, that the vibration of my phone is like music to my ears. (cheesy lol) . im enjoying his company, and im hoping he is enjoying mine. i hope that it continues going good, but then again, if things change, then im gonna have to be ready, i cant be too attached to him, NOT YET, if things keep going the way they are, then im free to do as i please. it will be my fault in the end, if this whole thing turns out be a "mirage", and ima jst have to deal with it. "/

(knocks on wood)

WINTER rally.

well, what do u know, another rally has arrived for us. a rally, that i wasnt very happy to do anymore. haha. ughh. prior to rally day, we had one week, one week to get shit done. whyy u ask? for one thing, we had our winter break. i doubt people would of worked during winter break, i FOR SURE WASNT going to. haha. and then the week we get back, ms buen was still somewhere in europe, because her flight had been delayed bc of snow, and storms. so that week was crossed out for doing important stuff. so this past week, was all we had to get started and get finished. well rally day came, and i was basically over it from the beginning of the day.
OH did i mention? I WAS DECO COMMISSIONER. like i actully had the title this time. but, i wasnt alone, i was accompanied by our favorite person. ! the ("co- commissioner") i mean, she deserved it right?? she did SOOOO MUCH for homecoming, it would of been ludacris to not get her as commissioner a second time. but anyways, heres rally day.

i arrived at school, at 7:30, bc that was the time, the fat pig wanted us to be there to take the stuff to the gym, i had no problem with it. so i arrive, is she there? nope i dont think soo. ahaha. so i help our sports rec tie some balloons. when they finish which was like 20 minutes later, had she arrived yet? NOPE. hmmm. was she gettin lipo or something??? i was wrong, her fatness came walking in like about 3 mins before the first bell rang. i had already taken all the stuff to the gym with the help of other GREAT ASB members. <3 align="center">me:"ariana (her name) why are u puttin them like that? they are supposed to go horizontal"

RONALD REAGEAN library.

we are seniors, so what do we do???! we take a field trip to the RONALD REAGEN LIBRARY, for our government class. ahaha. sooo funn.
well, we left at about 9am from school, all the jocks (college prep people) had to run to the bus to get the back seats, lameee. so we settled for the middle-ish. i sat with bexy. that shady bitch. the night before she had been all nice to eddie R about sitting together. that they were bus buddies for life, but once she found out that eddie had already decided to sit next to cynthia (my cheer captain) she decided to be all lovey dovey to me, and treat me like her freakin reboud. WHAT A BITCH! ahaha. but whatever. LOL. shes a shady. the bus ride was fun, listened to some music, and i looked over bexy's marie claire magazine. some cute stuff was in there. the bus ride wasnt that long, it was like an hour?? i think. when we got there, we literally sat in the bus for like 20 minutes, waiting for some lady to come board our bus and give us directions. gahh. i was gettin furstrated. we were told to make groups of 15 or 16 or 10?? i dont remember. but us friends gathered and made a group. who was lucky enough to be our chapperon?? MRS. LANDRETH. ahaha. ohhh myyy. we got a guide person, i forgot his name. WALT??? idk. but he didnt have an outside voice, he spoke very quietly. so i was like -_- we started our tour like 40 minutes after we physically arrived at the site. ahaha. it was pretty interesting, i had preiviosuly gone, but not like recently, more like in a few years. i think i went during 5th of 4th grade, not sure. we got to see, pieces of the berlin wall, they were pretty. painted and stuff. somebody made a joke about kristal trying to jump over it ahaha. then we visited the buried site. we didnt know it but he was actually buried there. whoaaahh. crazzyy. then we went inside to actually see the library. we saw a collection of signatures from all the previous presidents before reagen, i loved the signatures. i wish mine was like theirs ahah. but no mine is freaking UGLY!. ughh. anyways. we saww how his kitched looked, his younger days, and the attempted assassination on him. whooahh. then the most exciting part came. we went aboard air force one. ! that was pretty interesting. i thought that the inside would have more space, but as i was walking inside it, i felt caustrophobic. eww. then we went to look at the model of the oval office, it was pretty. it actually looks like an OVAL!. haha. lots of pictures were taken, of displays, and us. hopefully they make it into the yrbook. woot. ! haha. then we were let go to eat. we had been told to bring our own food bc the goof there was expensive. and THEY WERENT KIDDING. whoaaah. super expensive it was. i got myself a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and drink for $15. -_- i felt sooo ashamed afterwards. literally. haha. we sa outside apart from the rest of the people that came in the trip with us, and we enjoyed the nice view. but then we were told that we needed to go where everyone was at, so we did, foodless causewe had jst finished. ahaha. so we went and sat with everyone else. well not really, we were still sepearated. the sun was burning. it didnt like my shirt. food was been thrown into mouths. well, kristal's mouth. ahaha. she missed lots of times, so she was ALL dirty in the end. not such a good idea to play mouth catch when ur wearing white. ahaha. we played "he likes me, he likes not" with some dandelions, i got "he likes me" 2 out 3 times. (: it made my day. ahah. well it was time to head back. boarded the buses, sat in a different place from last, still in the middle-ish. me and bexy sang in the ride home. moslty gaga, and random shit. ahaha. FUNN.

PACKED week. (jan 11-15)

ohh myyy, soo this past week has been sooo packed with soo many thing. i think it was more packed than homecoming week. ahah. from OC, to rally deco, to fieldtrips, to HOMEWORK. gahh. lets get started.

MONDAY.
- monday felt like any other monday, freaking HORRIBLE. i seriously hate mondays. i see all my classes, and it the begining of the freaking week. ughh. but yeah, school went by really sloww. dreaded it soo badly. haha.
1st period was hell, i really dont like math anymore.
2nd period was extremely chill, sat on the desk, with nothing to do. me and brenda conversated about our weekends. haha. and how my freaking phone was being a douche! seriously. it would brake (buttons would stop working) and then it would fix itself. like whaaaa. ??? gahh. got me stressed the whole weekend. i felt sooo disconnected from the world. ahah. but yeah, the freshmen level grade office didnt require our help, so we jst sat there.
3rd period we spent it talking about the filedtrip that we were going to be taking the next day. mr nese is soo paranoid i swear. he wants everything nice and steady, he thinks something bad is going to happen every minute.
4th period was blahh. ms buen was back from her trip all around europe it seems haha. her flight was delayed so she was absent the whole first week back to school, wich was not a good thing for us, (deco) people that needed to get the rally shit started. i went to all the class presidents and asked them to pick their class mural picture. our rally was penguin themed so pictures of penguins was wha i had to offer. they were cuutee penguins. ! hah.
5th period i believe we spent it talking about poetry, and i believe we also took a test on poetry, dont really remember, i never pay attention in that class. ahah.
6th period was a total waste of time, like usual, gahhh. physiology, is SSOOOOO boring. well, right now it is. hah.
7th period. ohhh myyy, somebody shoot me hahaha. FRENCH is not the same anymore, ms matthews is more attentitive, which is not good in my opinion. she now has made the rule that if u dont do your homework, u get detention, WHAAA??? fakk. so now i have to do my homework, not necesseraly AT HOME, more like during 5TH period. ahaha. funn. and i believe this was the day that andrew got kicked out of the class for two minutes for talking in english. ahaha. SOOO FUNNy. i was talking in english too, but i didnt get caught, NICEEE. lol.
afterschool. i went to the first afterschool deco that we had for the rally. it was blahh. i did some 3-d snowflakes, and put people to do their murals. that was pretty much it, it actually went by really fast. after that shit was done, i had about 2.5 hours to kill, before my first spring OC class started, @ 7. so i decided to go home, thinkin that my sister was going to be able to bring me later, but i made a call home to make sure she was there. it turned out that she had already left, so i had to turn around and start walking my ass to OC. gahh. well, i actually enjoyed it. ahahah. the drivers gave me their attention, and that boosted up my ego. AHAH. i missed the walking to OC haha. i freaking love itt. but yes, i arrived at OC, with 1.5 hours to kill, i had to turn in some papers to the admission office or else they would drop my ass, so i did jst that. afterwards, i literally walked all around the campus, as i was walkin, some ladies came up to me and they were like,

"hey, do you smoke??!"

i was like "umm noooo."

the blond lady was like "GOOD JOB!!"

ahaha. crazyy. soo i continued my walk all around the campus, searched for where my class was going to take place, and then settled down on a bench by myself, listening to some music. like 10 minutes had passed when suzy came out of nowhere and sat next to mee. haha. whoaah. havent talked to her in forever, so it was a little "awkward snail" being there (insider). we would talk, and then they crickets would talk. then we would talk again, then it would be the cricket's turn. aha. i txted eddie to come save me cause he was there previously, he was retaking a bio class, aaha. ohh eddie R lol.

so he saved me, and we went to our class. ethics. woahh. what an experience that was. our teacher seriosuly looked like mel gibson, with long hair. noo kidding. me and friends spent the class time passing notes, and goofin off. we have a guy version of kattie in our class. HOW FUNN IS THAT RIGHT??? ahah. but for the most part, the class didnt sound that bad. so we dcided to stick with it. (:

OH. and eddieR, andrew, lina, and jenny, decided to pull a dirty trick on me, and steal my phone, that wasnt nice, i felt soo lost. ahah. but they eventually gave it to me. i knew eddie had stolen it the whole time!. gahh.

TUESDAY

-(field trip day, read next post.)

WEDNSDAY.

- school was school

1st period took a math test, which i felt good about, but then again, i always feel good about math tests and never get the grade that i think i'll get ahah. ughh.

3rd period we spent it discussing the fieldtrip that we had taken the previous day (read next post) we truend in our last OUTLINE EVER! woot. it was heaven. haha. i got a chekc plus. whaat thee? i typed 11 freeaking pages for a check plus!! it should of been PLUS PLUS. but whatevee uggh. then we discussed the chapter of the outline. pretty chill.

5th period im sure we spent it talking about poetry, i honestly cant remember, i was probably txting the whole time, oo wait, YES. i was txting the whole time, <3>

7th period was hell like always. we got our progress reports for the class, like a check up on missing assignment that we need to turn in and stuff. and for our luck. me, andrew, and claudia, got our points for the video that we never showed! ahaha. such a relief. we had to do this cooking video, and then show it to the class, but we lagged it soo much in showing it, that she must of thought that we showed it, so she gave us points for it. FULL CREDIT points. ahah. woot woot. such a relief it was, bc our video pretty much sucked without the special effects that the other groups spent their time puttin. HAHA.

afterschool. me and andrew rushed to OC bc we had another class that day. this time at 4pm. bexy and eddie were way in front of us. not even having the decency to stop and wait. HAHAHAH. lamees. lol. but alee spotted andrew so she gave eddie, bexy, and us a ride. we got there fast. our class was bio lab. im actually excited for it. it looks pretty interesting. the only thing that is that the professor (a girl) has EXTREMELY BLOND eyeborws. ahahaha. ohhh myyy. seriously. super blond. ahaha. but she was cool. (: she let us out early bc it was the first day, and we didnt have our stuff. yay. so as we were heading back to ale's car, me and bexy decided to go home walking instead. (: spend some quality time. haha. we talked, mostly about me and my life, haha. she is now caught up with my life, and whats going on in it. we talked about boys, and how difficult they are. ahah. ughh. it was fun though. (: then we went our seperate ways. me alone, walking down bard rd, at night, is not such a good idea for the road. i swear. IM GOING TO CAUSE AN ACCIDENT. these drivers i swear, ahaha. they are always looking at me. and what do i do, i SMILE. ahahaha. im such a slore. but whatever. (: <3>

THURSDAY

- nothing exciting happened in school, it was blahh. i saw all my classes. which i didnt like. gahh. but anyways, once school ended, the hard work started. we (asb) had that night to finish tracing and painting everything needed for the rally, so we really got our asses to work. lots of snowflakes were made, i traced some igloos, murals were traced and colored. pretty productive. the only thing that freaking bothered me was that the fat pig spent all her time working on a gigantic 3-d snowflake that couldnt stay up by itself. i was like, why are u spending all ur time into something that is not going to make it? like seriously, ughh. got on my nerves.

FRIDAY.

- rally day. (see rally post)

<333

REWIND.

omg. what did i say in my last post?? that i was going to keep posting, and posting as things occured. but like the lazyness that i am, i havent posted a new post since january 4th! woaah. such a long time. well, get ready. im gonna catch u guys up on everything. that means LOTS seperate posts. haha.

POSTs to COME.

- Week of january 11-15
- fieldtrip to ronald reagan library.
- rally day (jan 15)
- lovee
- ice skating.


well, here we goo. ! (:

what a MISSION it was.

today has been one of the most funnest, longest days ive had ahaha. it went really well.

woke up on time. dressed with new clothing. ready for school. i must have fallen off my bed at night because i arrived at school like 15 mins early. seriously. i spent it being a loner in my calculus class. haha. class finished fast, which i totally loved, it was math so i could care less if it went by fast aahaha. 2nd period was blahh. being an office aid is jst a great past time. lol. 3rd period was swell.

coach cynthia was mad at me because i let go of myself this winter break, i gained soo much weight, so she was mad, and told me that i wasnt going to cheer. "but coach! im gonna throw up tonight! i promise!!" "promise?" "yess!! ill do anything for the team" ahah. and then here comes andrew with his sad story that he only has 2 weeks to live, backstabbing the whole time he was talking to coach. he obviously wanted the attention on him, but i wasnt going to let that happen. i mean, i am the BEST at routines, what is he ? a flyer? whaaat? no wonder he has two weeks left to live, hes fallen sooo many times. ahahahaha. LOL. thats me and my friends having a good time. ahaha. (fiction)

4th period was good, OTHER THAN THE LAME ASS SUB WE HAD. oooomg can he jst like die already?,hes freaking annoying, and stupid. him and his fxcken beer belly, what is he thinkin! i swear. ughh. lamee. 5th period was GREAT!. my BS writing came through for me ONE AGAIN. !!! i got a A- on my research paper.! ahaha. yay! i was sooo happy. especially, since i did better than people who actually spent their time doing the paper. ahaha. all it took me was an "all nighter" and i was set. ! (: haha lunch was same as usual. discussed what classes we would be taking for spring 2010. 6th was broing, 7th was majorly lame.

AFTER SCHOOL was when all the fun started. cassie, moi,andrew and claudia, went on a search for the rest of our friends that we were gonna join to embark on a mission to OC. found them in our estrange level grade office, never thought i would set foot int hat counsiling room, today i did, for the very first time. woaahh. anyways, we gota out admissions slips and were on a hurry to leave. well actually, jannelle was was hurrying us because her bf T.O.M. was making her cranky. ahah. so we went to her house. waited for her father to get there, he was going to give us a ride to OC. but when he got there, we learned that jannelle herself was going to be giving us a ride, woooaahhh.! ahah. i was very impressed, she didnt do that bad. ! go nelle! (: well yess, we got to OC, and went straight to the admissions place. it turned out we needed some signature from a director or counselor or whoever from there. so we all went upstairs to get that signature in order to apply for classes. woahh. that was some process.

waited outside, then we all went inside, gave papers to a lady that rpinted out our college transcripts, were lead to a little waiting room to be called in order to get signature, the person signing was taking FOREVER. he was conversating with everyone... like seriously?? ughh. he was gayy. we could tell. ahah. but its cool. no he was jst more femenine than me ahah. finally got that darn signature after all but lina had gotten their signature. ahah. went downstairs and waited for like and hour or 2 in that fxcken line that had not been there when we first arrived. gossiped while we were in line. cassie and i were eyeing boys. pretty fun ahah. but the LAMEST thing happened. Andrew had gotten his sinature earlier than me, so he was waiitng in line a few people in front of me. when it was his turn, the lady didnt accept his admission stuff because he had no high school transcript, which eddie didnt have, but had registered a few people before andrew, BUT WITH A DIFFERENT LADY. so me and cynthia were smart enough to stay in line and wait till that other lady was free. letting people go in front of us to the LAME lady. she did attend us and happily registered us without asking for a freakin high school transcript. andrew and cassie who had gotten out of the line decided to cut the people and wait for the lady that attended us to be open. so when they finally got attended they too got registered without a high school transcript. that lady WAS LAMEE! wasting our time. gahh. after we were done we waited for like 30 mins because jannelle was who knows where. ahaha. jk she was getting some situation fixed with her classes. when she finally was done we went on another mission to get food.

at first we had decided to go to hawaiian barbeque place, but that was practically in the other side of town, and we were walking, with a time limit. jannelle had to b baack to school for the basketball game at 7. and when we were walking it was almost 6. decided to change it up and just go to panda. i didnt care what i ate, jst wanted to eat something, so i got myself some chinese, and starbucks. ahah. after everyone had situated their dilemma, we started to head back to school. ahahahah. that as well was another great mission. we had 30 mins to walk our asses to school. walk like 2 miles. ohhh myyy. that was FUN. sooo many fast pacing, and slowing down. lina wanted to go home, she was determined to go home walking by herself. i was not gonna let that happen. like seriously. she was looking very sexy, and she shouldnt be walking alone at night looking like she did. ahah. so we convinced her to come with. half way, well 1/4 of the way there, we got separated into two groups. the fast pacers, and the slow ones. FAST: eddie, andrew, claudia, and jannelle. SLOW: me, cassie, and lina. the fast group was seriously fast. we lost track of them. cassie had to cross to the other side of the 4 lane road to get her food from her mother. so she decided to jay walk in the night, risking her life. that was hilarious ahahah. she went screaming to the sidewalk, and ran because a dog was barking at her. next up me and lina. i actually jayed walked (run) but i almost lost my life. well i think cassie was exagerating, the car was still far away before it could actually hit me. but yeah. ahah. she was laughing and crying at the same time.

"omg that was a rush" "to much thrill for one day"

so yes. we finally made it to school, were the fast group was already there. the BAD news was dat we rushed for nothing!. the jv bball game was still on, in the 3rd quarter. jannelle needed to be here for the beginning of the varsity game. she was going to sing the national anthem. so yeah we were pretty bummed that we rushed for nothing. how fxcken lame.

game was alright. left before it ended, but i heard we won woot woot.!


AHAHAHA. ohhh myyy. what a day i had. hopefully theres more like it.

goodbye 09, hello 2010. !

Woah. 09 has been filled with sooo many different things that have happened to me. From prom, to my summer walks to OC, getting honked via older men, guys trying to pick me up, to lawn mower workers wanting me to do them, to the beginning of my jammed packed senior year, to the many GREAT memories that I have with friends. (That was a lot of "from.. To.. " Statements LOL. ) This year has been great but I'm ready for a new one, and ready to see what life has in stored for me. It better be something nice. (:

Love began sprouting for me.. But it never got the chance to bloom. Hopefully that changes in 2010. If it doesn't, then something is trully wrong with me. Gahh.

As for friendships.. I've gotten really close with a lot.. Started to feel separation from others..I'm glad that I've gotten close with a lot of my friends, and even closer to a few.<3 But I don't like feeling like I'm being tested, what is there to test?...

let's hope that everything goes well this year, that I graduate happy, and that life has exciting things coming my way. (: