let me have a LIFE.

my whole life, ive been the good son, always stayed home, listened to rules, didn't do anything bad, or even get in soo much trouble. but now.. as a 17yr old, i just dont want to be like that anymore. im SICK and TIRED of been the good person, sick and tired of staying at home, wasting my time, while people are out enjoying their lifes. i want to have adventures out there in the world, not here in my house, playing video games and watching tv. but my mother just doesnt seem to understand.

see, im the baby in my family, and my mom is very caring over me, and its not that i hate that, i LOVE that shes soo carign about me, but she has to understand that im not a baby anymore. that i WANT a life.

shes never been strict with me, but now that ive grown up shes gotten wayy more strict and i dont like it at all. my thing with that is that why is she choosing to be strict now, now that im almost 18yrs old. im sure shes thinking that im when i go out, im out there drinking, or doing things i shouldnt be doing, and even though she tells me that shes not thinking that, i KNOW she is. whenever i go out i always tell her where i am, and where im going, but i feel like she thinks im lying to her. and it furstrates me. she needs to understand that im NOT like all those other teenagers my age, im NOTHING like them, i dont waste my time doing the STUPID things that they do. MY FRIENDS are not even like that either, so she doesnt need to worry about me hanging around that type of crowd.

i want to have the same previlages that all my other friends get, their parents, TRUST them, they get let out of the house until whatever time they want. I WANT to be like that, this is my last year with my friends (if we all separate in college) and i want to spend every moment with them. but that is costing me. my mother keeps calling my phone to come home, i have to argue with her evertime to tell her that im fine, that im not doing anything wrong, i tell her where i am, but in the end she makes me feel soo guilty that for the rest of the time im not happy or confortable being were i am.

last night, i spent it with ym friends, we were having a good time, went to eat, to the store, and finally to my friend's house. i told my mom that i was going to go out to eat, she was fine with it, but since my phone was broken (she knew it was) idk if she tried to locate me or something, but when i called her to tell her i was at my friends house she was mad at me. telling me that it wasnt the time for me to be at someone elses house, and that she wanted me home. i started arguing with her again, telling here the same things i always tell her. she ended up hanging up on me. that was around 8 or 9 pm. the rest of the night i spent it feelign guilty, and not comfortable at all, on one hand i felt that i should be going home, that i should listen to my mom, but in the other hand, i wanted to be with my friends, i didnt wanna go home to waste my time on the tv all alone. so i decided that i was going to stay. when we finally went home it was 2am. i got dropped off last. thinking that i was fine, and that my mom would get over it, i went inside and there she was, laying in the couch with a blanket waiting for me. and once i entered she started crying. she kept telling me that she was worried for me, that something could of happen to me, i kept telling her that she didnt have to worry, i wasnt doing anything wrong, that she needed to trust me. i almost cried along with her, but i held back the tears.

i jst hope that my mom comes around, and that she learns to trust me, to let me grow up, and to make my own choices. the last thing i want to do is hurt her, or push her away, but if she doesnt learn how to trust me, i dont know how things will be in the end.