its been nice knowing you "youthness".

as minutes countdown i felt like bloggin one last time as a 17yr old...

i cant believeits been 18 years already. wow. my life has certainly been interesting for the most part. it has also been very nice in my opinion. i was very lucky to have been giving the life that i have, been fortune enough to have met the people that i have met, and blessed to have made such amazing friends that will last me a lifetime, i hope.... now as my youthness is officially diminishing, im very excited to begin my new life, as a legal adult.

im looking forward to many things with my new priviliges. piercings, tattoos, non-curfew, no need to ask my mom for permission signatures.. accompaning these new privileges, is my last year of high school, and my first year of college, another set of things that im greatly lookign forward to.

20 mins now.... (:

never thought i would.

ive finally cracked. ive had soo many emotions packed inside me, not only from recent events but just from my overall life, they kept building and build that they finally broke loose. idk how they did but... well.. i guess i do, one last thing finally hit me and i couldnt take it anymore, so i released them the best and worst way anyone could. by crying.

i never thought i would crack. i saw myself as someone that could hold on to my personal emotions so well, i guess im not that much of a rock. its been years since i cried that i thought i wouldnt cry anymore.. i was wrong. never did i think i would cry like how i did. the more i thought about things, the worse it would get. the music playing in my ears wasnt that much of help either, coincidentially lots of sad songs played during that time.. i guess i can finally say that ive had an emotional breakdown, or that i was an emotional wreck...

it feels good to have been wiped out from all those emotions i had. i feel refreshed now..... ok im not gonna lie, im not completely wiped, im still a little sadden but im sure itll pass. now i have to move on with my life, the past is the past, and the future awaits me.

i dont get it. .... "/

And just like that, my hopes and possibilities get shot down. One more time..... I don't get it, am I not alowed to be with anyone? Am I not allowed to at least meet a guy that will feel the same towards me, as I would feel towards him?.... Idk, am I asking for too much? Someone plz just tell me. I feel like my feelings have been played with, but I'm not blaming anyone except myself, for I was the one that put out my feelings, I put them out hoping someone would take a chance with them, but nobody seems to want to right now.

Now.... That stranger...... That stranger that I got excited to meet this whole past week, is gonna end up being just a stranger. I knew it was too good to be true when I heard he was coming down. I knew that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore, I jst didn't want to go by it. And in the end, I was right, once again.. I was right. And i HATE it. "/


If some people have it so easy and simple, why can't I?... I'm not any different then they are..... I just don't get it.

is my time coming?

anxious, nervous, happy, worried, scared, excited.. these are all the feelings im feeling at the moment. the reason being: a boy. an old stranger is coming down this weekend, and stranger he is aha. ive waited a little over 3 months for him, and the time is finally ending. i made sure not to waste my time waiting for him, i had my little adventure at the begginig of this year, so i wasnt completely lonely. now, 24 hrs or even less than that is what keeps me separated from that stranger.. that stranger i never got to meet this past november. he said he would return, and i hope he is returning because of me. but i have to be careful, i dont want to be gettin my hopes up too soon like i always tend to do, i have to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, cant be on cloud 9 right now. first, he has to arrive, and second, we need to see if he hasnt forgotten about me. my mind has it set that hes coming down, that were going to meet up, and that something will spark. i cant let my mind control me right now, its not healthy for me. we all know what that got me last time. absolutely nothing. i dont want to end up like that again, i wasnt a happy camper. now this weekend... this weekend will tell it all.

COUNTDOWN.

so the countdown to my 18th birthday is officially starting. i have 25 days to go. i honestly feel like an 18 yr old already, i mean what is going to change in these next 3 weeks that is going to be different once i turn 18. thats right NOTHING. i guess its good to have the official tittle though.

one thing that i need to accomplish before i turn 18 though, is to learn how to faken drive. gahh, i want to take my drivers test on spring break, which is the week after my birthday. perfect right?? driving by april, that is my goal. i really hope that i get a car for my 18th but i highly doubt it, its nice to think about it though, think about things that my family is not willing to do. i guess i bring my own hopes up, so that they can be broken down later, whether its for love, or for my everyday life, i cant seem to learn to stop gettin my hopes up for things. LOL. but anyways back to my upcoming event of my life. i hope that once im OFFICIALLY 18, my family will cut me some slack, and let me make my own facken choices, i dont need to be checked up on 24/7, they better cool it off, or else im not going to be a happy camper. to get more liberty i guess i might need to get a job so that im not constatly asking for money, and im willing to do that, but i want to know how to drive first, i dont wanna be asking for rides, i wanna drive there myself, and then go somewhere afterwards. so if im going to get a job, driving is a must. thats my plan, and theres no changing.

RANDOM: im currently listening to "cater 2 u" by destiny's child. i havent heard this song in years, it was brought back to my attention by another song that was in a kareokee machine. i can say that i have fallen back in love with it, i have it nonstop playing in itunes. haha. <3 (: