i want to believe that lovee, has found me this year already, but its still up in the air about the true meaning of it. ever since i became open with my friends about my love life, and they became open with me about theirs, im talking about gay love life, i always told myself that i would never be interested into someone that had been previously talking or seeing one of my friends. i always told myself that. i made it a rule for myself, but that rule apparently has dissapeared. i also made it a rule to not fall FOR a friend, bc if something would of happen, then i would of lost a friend, and i would of lost a love. but that rule seemed to have had dissapeared as well. not only did i almost completely fall for a friend, but now im falling for someone that one of them had been talking to previously.
im gladd that i quickly stopped myself, from completely falling for one of my friends, if i wouldnt, idk what awkwardness i would be in right now. im glad that THAT is now old water under the bridge, and that it occurred months ago, now im in a better place with that situation. but this new guy, i can't seem to stop myself, what i mean to say is that i DONT want to stop myself. i wanna jst let it happen. i enjoy our conversations, they always bring a smile to my face. but sometimes i feel that i ENJOY them TOO much that i always tend to ask for more, i feel like im a conversation sucking leech, and i feel like that is annoying him. i have gotten better with the amount of txts i send out, but here and there i slip. but then thing is that sometimes when i slip, it seems that he isnt bothered by it at all, and it brings comfort to me. he txts back perfectly fine, going along with the conversation, and even starting some new conversations of his own. ive felt soo many mixed emotions, that i didnt know what to feel anymore.
but things have changed now.
this past week, ive felt that ive gotten a little more close with him, and that he feels more comfortable with me. i no longer feel like im annoying him, bc he doesnt make me feel like that through his txts anymore. i feel soo happy, that the vibration of my phone is like music to my ears. (cheesy lol) . im enjoying his company, and im hoping he is enjoying mine. i hope that it continues going good, but then again, if things change, then im gonna have to be ready, i cant be too attached to him, NOT YET, if things keep going the way they are, then im free to do as i please. it will be my fault in the end, if this whole thing turns out be a "mirage", and ima jst have to deal with it. "/
(knocks on wood)
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