well it all started thanksgiivin day (thursday) i happen to go on twitter and noiced that my friends xilen, and cassie were having a conversation. idk how but i joined. all morning me and them were conversating via twitter, wich is kind of ironic becasue i hate it when people converse via twitter lol. but yeaah n e whoo. we were conversating about all kinds of things, from a turkey penis, to a thong in a jar, to my big mouth, and my infactuaiton with penises haha. what a great way to start of a holiday. well yeah. as we were conversating xilen's cousins were at her house, they came down for the holiday. one of them noticed me. i guess nobody knew he was gay becasue at first he was dening it, everyone was blaming me becasue apparently i had very STRONG GAY HORMONES and that they were reaching him and i was turning him gay. he thought i was cute, because of my hair. "hes into curly hair and shit" said xilen. well yeah he kept denying it unitl he finally cracked and told xilen that he was gay. she announced it in twitter with capital letters. haha. by this time i hadnt really payed attention to her tweets saying that her cousin was into me, but then as soon as she said that he was gay, then i began to notice. i began to ask her questions about him, non stop if he was really into me. and he was. i found it shocking that someone had finally noticed me, my tummy began to get filled with butterflies. i told xilen. well then HOOK US UP!. then she hit me with the news. "idk fernie, hes from frisco (san fran) so idk how thatll work" as soon as she said that. my stomach was empty. butterflies were no where to be found. i felt so empty and sad. i didnt even know what to say. i mean i didnt know the guy, butt he fact that he was into me. the first boy that was interested in me, made me feel close to him. i wanted to be with him, in some strange sorta way. very weird of me to say. i sound crazy right??? well i couldnt really help myself. ive never been hit with that kind of emotion before. well yeah. i was sad. but then she told me that he was still after me. butterflies came back into my stomach soo quickly. it was a boost to my ego. knwoing that someoen was chaising me. haha. but yeahh. i got all happy again.
as afternoon came, i felt like he was taking forever to ask for my number. i mean. how long does it take for someone to ask for a number if they are really interested right? well yeah. i found out that he didnt know what to say. that got me a little sad again. y couldnt he jst try it out?. then she said " he doesnt wanna fuck it up, because he doesnt know what to say" that made me happy again becasue in my ears it sounded like he wanted to have something. and he didnt wanna mess up his chances. but since xilen has no cellular device, she had to get off and that was the last thing i heard from them all night. if ur wondering why dont i jst speak to him personally? then heres my answer.
i had asked xilen if he had a myspace, she said he didnt, not even facebook. i was like ummmm u serious?. i mean myspace isnt that big today as it wwas before but i found it really weird that he didnt. he didnt aske for my number for reasons stated above. why didnt i just give him my number by myself, or ask for his number? well i was caught up in the moment, filled with untouched emotion that i didnt have thee mind to do those things.
so yeah. i was sad all night. not being able to hear from them. woke up next morning and still nothing on twitter. apparently xilen had gone black friday shopping so she woke up really late. she was sleeping while i was over here becomign anxious. i sound obsessed right? ahaha understand me and dont judge. well yeah she finally came on, but he wasnt at her house. he was visitin his grandpa. i told her that i felt that his feelings might of gone away but then she told me that she didnt think so. earlier he had called her asking if i was gonna go to the game that was going to be taking place at my school. CIF football. hueneme (us) versus westlake. so i got all happy again. he said he wanted to try and go if i was. made me realize that he wanted to meet up. so i got all happy. got dressed, and when it was time to leave i left. i had butterflies in my stomach until the game started. but before that xilen came down with another set of news. she wasnt going to be able to attend thee game. i was like ughhhhhhhh! nooooo. she said that he might still show up, since he hadnt called her telling her otherwise. but how was i supposed to know who he was? i didnt have his number. he didnt knwo where i hanged out or sit. and i didnt even know how he looked. NOW i do sound like im on fakken crack right? being obsessed with this boy that i dont evne know, and dont even know how he looks. all i knew about him was that he was 19, he went to artschool in san fran. and that he was "toned". that was all i knew about him. but yeah i waited in the place where xilen usually sits to see if he might see me there but nobody came up to me. after a while i descended down to my regular seat with my friends.
during the whole game. i had that empty feeling again. i knew that he hadnt told me personall that he was gonna attend, but i thought that he WAS surely gonna come. the game didnt help at all. we lost bad. nobody was in the mood that night. we hardly cheered. not to say that i was because i didnt. the cold was a major thumbs down as well. freezing as hell, and wind that wouldnt stop blowing. my hair looked like sex hair. well yeah. i came home after it was over but no twitter stuff. went to sleep empty. woke up today. went on twitter, but nothing. it wasnt until the afternoon when i found out that he had left back to san fran. at this point i was crushed. not like super crushed, like crying and stuff, but the empty feeling got bigger. xilen told me that he wanted to take me out to eat becasue they were going out to celebrate the win that xilen had on soccer, but that if i went his dad might of flipped out. his family doesnt know about his sexuality. so i wouldnt wanna have caused problems anyway. this made me fell a little better. i asked her if he had said anything. she hit me with another pair of news. "he said he will try harder next time and he'll take out" the butterfies came pouring in. ughhh.
im guessing the next time he will come would be for christmans vacation. i hope he does. he gave me a reason for me to look forward to winter break. i hope he does come, and then we can try it out, finally try it out. ughh.
now u see the kind of ride i was in these past three days. ughh. this boyy i swear.
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